"In Loving Memory of Marky Cielo"

Last Sunday the whole country was shocked and devastated about a text message that circulated that the young actor and Starstruck "Sole Survivor" Marky Cielo was found dead on their Antipolo's abode that morning during the world renowned match of Manny Pacquiao and Oscar Dela Hoya.

That Sunday we we're preparing for our Christmas Party together with my housemates that was held at "Providence" in Vito Cruz near DLSU and adjacent to St. Benilde. We we're watching Showbiz Central and Katrina Halili was interviewed and he sent his condolences to Marky's loved ones. At first it didn't sink it in my mind until Pia guanio did the same, until my housemate received an sms telling the not so good news. Though I'm not a fan i felt the lost for the industry, i heard a lot of good things about the guy, i really admire him for being an advocate of youth, a clean living life without vices. It pains me to know that the country loses a great and humble actor and a beloved son, friend and an admirable icon for his fan.

Some rumors circulated that the guy committed suicide but the autopsy shows if I'm not mistaken that he died from SUNDs (Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death) or medically speaking

"Acute Hemorrhagic Pancreatitis" the same reason of Rico Yan's death.

So many young precious celebrities died, but they still remembered, the like i mention, Rico Yan, Julie Vega and many more, i also remembers Selena the Mexican singer who brought us the timeless classics like "Dreaming Of You" and "I Could Fall In Love".

I'm sure wherever Marky Cielo is now, he's happy and hopefully peaceful. As for me i will remember this young boy for the superb dancing skills and wonderful vibe and spirit he had.

Ainan :)

"Another Lesson Learned"

After so many Jurassic years i am sharing some thoughts that i am contemplating right now. I was finished reading "The Purpose Driven Life" and on the process reading "Chicken Soup For the Unsinkable Soul" i was into reading again not just for pastime but i really do learned a lot.





I was temporarily relocated to Ophthalmology Unit for about two weeks now, and still adjusting on the new set-up. Thank, God he made me a very flexible person and pliable that i can get along to every people you placed on my path. The last Night duty i had on Annex 3-2nd East was really unforgettable, i had a girl patient aged 26 whom when i was received during endorsement had 80/50 mmHg Blood pressure, i was doing titration on her Dobutamine ( a drug that increases blood pressure and heart rate) to made her stable but at 2 o'clock in the morning she had cardiac arrest so i call for "Code Red" a typical Greys Anatomy scene where the medical team trying to revived the patient. There we're some Doctor's Ambu-bagging, some were doing cardiac compression and some were suctioning, for me being the nurse had very crucial role i was the one handing off equipments, gave them emergency drugs like epinephrine, sodium bicarbonate so on and so forth. If you think I was a Pro during that time, you're wrong because it was my first time and it was kinda confusing, after that arrest the patient became stable but after 30 minutes or so she had an arrest and expired after our tremendous efforts to kept her alive. I learned so much after that, and i was thankful to my co-staff for helping me and guiding me through that chaotic moment, they even shared some of my pending task for the continuity of care. If you're planning to become a nurse those situation will test your critical thinking, speed rate, knowledge. That was quite an experience.





Last November 29, My sister and i had a day out, she accompanied me to Divisoria to bought some gifts for this holiday to all my "inaanak" and nephews and nieces. After the long tiring walk and shopping from different malls and stalls, we went to Trinoma because I had promised her that I will treat her out on a movie because it was her birthday last 25th. When we got there, i was quite fascinated on the long lines of people who were planning to watched Twilight and three cinemas already jam packed. We ended up watching "One True Love" featuring Dingdong Dantes and Marianne Rivera, at first don't account me as "baduy" or "jologs" but patronizing your own isn't a crime right?. I may say the movie was half good half OK, not that great but it has substance and sense.





I learned new thing about love, Marianne was right when she said the line "In love, you don't have to do anything to impress the person or to get his attention, you don't have to kneel or beg for some one's love; you don't have to changed yourself" Be yourself, that's all you can do, he must love you for your nothingness not for he wanted you to be. Love is respect, so he must learned to respect you and not to demand to change you or for you to do everything he wanted.


If the person you love didn't like you for who you are, just go he's not the one our Lord made for you, the person must love you for who the real you in pure black and white





Ainan :)

"Why People tend to be Single"

Here’s a forwarded message I recently got from a stranger. I don’t know about you, but I can honestly relate with everything written here. Ok, let’s crack up…sana makarelate ka…….
11. Destiny AdikEto yung mga naghihintay kay “Destiny” na gumawa ng paraan para pagtagpuin sila ng kanilang mga “partner in life”.. ayannn… kakapanood nyo ng “Serendipity” eh feeling nyo ang nangyari sa movie eh mangyayari rin sa inyo… such a cliche.. hindi ba nyo alam na kung walang effort destiny is useless.
10. Perfectionist/ MapiliYes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong “dapat ganito ang magiging kapartner ko”. Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait, boring daw, gusto bad boy/ pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka “bakit ang sama mo”, “bakit mo nagawa yun!”… Adik ka ba?!… Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. Meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. yung gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero deadma pa rin yang stunts mo sa kanya! Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga?
9. Busy BusyhanOpo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga nag tratrabaho sa call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst.. pause for a while naman!
8. Friendship TheoryAno naman ito?… Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special friend, na hindi masabi-sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang mahabang panahon na pagsasama, dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata, kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA! Oi! Lakasan mo ang loob mo at baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan, kaw rin!… Minsan pa naman pareho pala kayong naghihintayan. . hmmp!
7. Born-to-be-one (Autistic)Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw. Walang reasons. Basta lang nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamamatay sya sa mundong mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang… Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa noh!
6. Happy-go-luckyEto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino na lang basta no string attached. For fun lang daw… Walang halong seryosohan. hoy! Yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo na lang sa pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!
5. Wrong PlaceMay nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka. Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo hinahanap. Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng patiwarik.
4. Wrong TimeEto yung mga tao na sinasabi na “hindi pa ako ready e, bata pa kasi ako” o kaya naman “hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito”, “wala pa ako kayang ipagmalaki”. Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon para sa love. Awwwwwww!… Aba kelan yun?!… Pag uugod-ugod ka na at yung time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang-out of time ka na? Oist, sugod lang ng sugod!
3. Si Parents kasi…Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Aba ikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na “Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. Langit at lupa kayo.” Awwwww!… Payo ko sayo, “Pakialam nila diba?… Palibhasa inggit!”
2. Traumatic ExperienceEto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. “Ayaw kona!!! Takot na ako mangyari pa ang nangyari dati!”… O diba, ang drama ng layp?… Yes, tama ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until now aayaw mo nang magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na bye-bye, o dahil binugbog ka!, anopa ba?… Madami yan wag na nating isa- isahin at baka tumulo si tears, heheh… Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at hijo… Ibat-iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis at may maasim. Aba, mapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat- ibang lasa nito! Kaya ikaw, “Do not be afraid to fall in love again… malay mo, sweetiness na ang malasahan mo next time.! E di panalo ka sa lotto! Yan ang nagpapalakas sayo… Yan ang bumubuhay sayo… ang pag-ibig. Tsk! Drama!
1. EX to the Nth powerOi, aminin!!! LOVE pa rin si Ex kahit 1 or 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas. May ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon na ang nakakalipas, hindi pa rin makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyo ng magpaalam sa isa’t-isa… YES, after a year sasabihin natin, “I’m over him/her na.”, pero pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang nagkukwento ka OUCH! may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa iyong kalooban. Ano kaya yun?!… AMININ mo na kasi, MAHAL mo pa siEX… Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well, mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan, pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba. At give urself a KITKAT, take a break………

The New Look (being blonde)

I don't know if this is applicable to boys but i know that when girls are broken and down they tend to change their looks, their outward appearance. They cut their hair short, dye their hair, buy new clothes, change the whole appearance. Maybe its a form of reviving or renewing yourself after that bitter past.

In my case, I've been semi-kalbo for three times, i remember the first time i did that, because i was torn apart from my first love, it was disconcerting at that time because i received overwhelming feedback. There were some people who was happy and contented on what i did, and some who didn't like the change. But, nonetheless i was blissful about it and did it three times.

Now, the major overhauled i did, surprisingly! i dyed my hair, i complement it with my eye color, which is naturally brown. They said i looked like a foreigner because of my fair complexion, i was happy about the result, worthy of all the efforts i exerted. The reason i made a sudden change was first i consider it as an anti-stress and secondly to conceal my status quo for about a year, you know what i mean being 'single' maybe trying to attract potential preys, lols.

Changing your looks every six months is refreshing, it ends the monotony of your routine life. Before i always felt inferior and Unpretty, but since i regain my confidence and boost my self-esteem,I'm not just flaunting what i have I'm claiming my place. "We are beautiful no matter what they say, just believe in yourself and be confident on what you have right now"

The Sweet Escape

You may associate this entry to Gwen Estefani's huge hit single last 2007, its kinda related due to the lyrics "If i could escape, and recreate a place of my of my own world". For me, i do believe we are all "escapist" in are own little world, we have all our different ways how to escape life stress, chaos, and even avoiding difficult people. I was inspired to write this entry because i found out that i have a numerous ways of escaping, let say I'm an escape artist. lols.

Seriously, when i am woe and broken, and almost knocking to the door of the "Department of Temporary Insanity" i always do daydreaming, i fantasize places i want to visit, people i want to be with, and career i would prefer if I'm not in my shoes today, its a great relief temporarily from the realm of your true status quo. Recently, i went home to Bulacan to a paid a visit to my family and later found out, coming home to the place you we're born is a good di-stress activity, surely, there's no place like home, the comfort it brings, the slow-paced life, the fresh air, an escape from the fast-paced life away from the metropolis.

Yesterday, i had an acquaintance with one of my gal pal, we talked about almost everything, and updated ourselves with all the major changes happened to us. What strikes me the most was the news that our closet-gay friend now have a new boyfriend, and she wants me to keep it a secret because our friend wanted to keep it a secret between the two of them, which now its not a secret anymore, obviously. I felt weird when i heard the news, i dunno if i felt peculiar, emptied or insecure, maybe the last two because, i am single for almost three years now. Though, i accept it already that maybe i was one of the chosen few born to be single, still I'm not losing hope that someday i will find "HIM". Just what I've said to my friend, "I'm saving the best for last" and i know that what He has in store for me is much more to my expectation. I'm not hoping because its pure expectation instead i have "Faith" that he will come. Faith is believing that something good is in store for you, right?

Ainan :)

"Seeing My First Love and Ex Unexpectedly"

The guy name is Mark Anthony Escanilla, I had this feeling for him since grade six, and eventually stop loving him, (if i did) when i was in my third year as a nurse and went to manila.

I have plenty of memories about this guy, i even consider him as my soul mate, because during those times i swoon over him, we always wore the same color of shirts, and wherever i went he was there. Furthermore, he witnessed all the embarrassing moments of my life, all the tripping, fumbling on the road, all the wounds and those scars i gained from those freak tripping.lols.


Actually, he's my first emblem of my ideal guy (now its Chris Tiu), he stands 5'8" tall, chinky-eyed, fair skinned, medium almost slim bodied, we've been textmates last 2004, and built a mutual relationship, i even agreed to jump on a relationship with him, though he had a girlfriend that time for about three months, and that girl named was Mariela. The relationship last for about a month because i decided to end it up, though he said, he didn't love the girl, and only his friends forced him to court her. I defended that if he really not in love with that girl, why does he still continue going on with that crap, that's why i thought of some bluff to end our relationship, i can't stand being the second best or the mistress. I haven't met the girl yet, and only saw her pictures on Mak Mak's FS account. She's a plain simple girl, and i know he love her so much, they are still together up to now, if I'm not mistaken they are cohabiting and in their five or six years. I still do have access to Mak mak's account because we exchanged password before.

I never saw him again, and still so many stories i haven't posted yet, i will tell the whole story when i have the time. I saw him again last October 7, all the way to Manila while he was his way home to Talacsan, i only had a glimpse of him because he was riding on a tricycle that time and i was walking towards the Bus Terminal. Funny, that i was staring at this one guy i constantly had the same Jeep to ride, after that guy passed by i saw Mak Mak looking at me, i only stared at him for a second and looked away, because i know Mariela was with him.

I don't know what i felt at that time, but i know God has a reason for that encounter. He was the one who taught me to love, gave me my first heartache, my first cry, and the first person i had written my first song. And maybe, still willing to give my whole life with. I still have feelings for him, maybe first love never dies. But i know he is happy right now, even though it's not with me at least i am happy he is. Maybe the song "Minsan lang Kitang Iibigin" was meant for us, because every time we had an encounter, that's the song on the background.

P.S I know this sounds mushy or quite a telenovela, but i want to thank you for reading this entry. : )

Ainan

The Dare Chris Tiu's Talking About During the Bonfire

I've got a chance to surf the net, and get a copy of the dare Chris Tiu said on his blog; It was kinda hilarious, but i applauded the guy for the courageous thing he did.

Whom ever you are; Kudos! for you.

Ainan