"WHY DO PEOPLE TEND TO BE AESTHETICS?"

I admit i am one of those shallow people who value the outside appearance than the inside. But that was before when I'm still immature. But right now i know that the inside matters the most. Maybe, you'll raised an eyebrow because this is a pure cliche' but i had a better realization today why this planet called 'earth' we're living is quite unfair.

I had always told everyone that my defenses towards love and emotional attachment was intact, i was correct a few months ago, but today if you'd ask me?! I'm a totally vulnerable individual. i know myself better now, and i examined every emotional signs or changes I'm manifesting whether I'm in love, down, torn or broken. And these past few days was not new for me. Cold lonely nights attacking me right now, though literally the weather is cold due to post Christmas blues. I read on a book and some people advised me that have enough positivity and optimism inside, be complete and happy inside because it attracts more than a beautiful aesthetic outside. That's what i believe in and living since time immemorial but there we're inevitable circumstances that will shatter your dreams apart.

Last week i received an sms message from a very dear friend of mine who haven't got in touch for a year, her name was Mau, she said that she gave my number to a guy named Ervin a cousin of her boyfriend, since i was duty then and told i have to extend an extra eight hours to work, i had a frenzied and frantic mind that Mau message didn't sink in that much. I said "it's OK! go ahead" then in return she gave the guys' number. A few days later i haven't received any messages, so i assumed maybe his not interested, and that night i opened my friendster account and saw a guy named Jan who just visited my account together with some others, i also remembered that i gave Mau my e-mail so that guy can sneak to my account, problem is i have a private profile so he couldn't scrutinize my profile that easily. The following day i texted the guy and replied he was too tipsy that he can't text right that moment and promised to send an sms later, it went for a day and no response, until i sent a quotation and he replied during that time i was online and said i will invite him on FS, so in short he had an access on my account.

We switched plenty of sms and i thought we're OK, until the next day, i haven't heard or received anything from him. I texted him and responded that his doing a laundry right now, what i captured from that message that he was kinda irritated maybe on my message or because i texted him. That afternoon, Mau and I had a chance to talk for a bit and told her my predicaments and prediction that maybe the guy was kinda disappointed, maybe he doesn't like my outward appearance or my being to feminine or gay. But as pride dictates, i told her it's OK that I'm not rushing things up, and as for me i really do deserve a much better person.

Mind you guys, that Ervin was cute, quite a catch but he's too physical. I'm not being bitter or sour-graping but i was kinda disappointed on life. Because, life is so unfair. i had a very balance life, i mean i had a better outlook inside and out, but right now i felt insecure and not secure with myself anymore. I feel unpretty and unwanted. I hate the guy for being so prejudice, hope life gives him a good karma. This is one of the reasons why i don't want to fall in love again, I'm so numb with the pain and my heart was so, so crushed and stomped into pieces. Life is unfair, to people who only wants a simple and happy life, life complicates a simple living and a simple individual like me.

Ainan ;(

The Review ( what has been for me in 2008)

The year 2008 was a tremendous and wonderful year for me and my family, i was successful in my career and lucky all year round. Hopefully this year, like Kristine Hermosa said, this will be our year 2009, we're both born September 9, and i was born on the year of the Ox so i wished all the stars will be by my side. So here is a run down of what had happened to me last year;

• January- i took the clinical exam at TMC and got flopped for the first time in my life, first failed exam since i entered school, so depressing but i took it as a benchmark to strive better.
• February- i was called by Our lady of Mercy (Pulilan) to trained as a staff, I've spent almost two months there and gathered so much knowledge and built new harmonious relationships, i was the first one to be hired but something life changing happened.
• March- SLMC ( St. Luke's Medical Center) texted me that i passed their clinical exam and i'm on my way for the P.E, i left Mercy but had a better choice. I had almost a month relationship with Richard, and i ended the relationship due to self-preservation.
• April- i joined the NSET ( Nurse Staff Effectiveness Training) trainees of SLMC and had training for 3 months and gained 25 new friends.
• June- i graduated the training and at the day of the commencement exercise and yours truly was one of the emcees, something inevitable happened. The Vp-DON walked out because we failed to acknowledge her presence at the start of the program.
• August- i was joined the ISF ( Induction to SLMC Family) and later on took the Customer Service Champion training, during the ISF i was fell for MR. Richard Magsalin my BLS instructor, sadly we lose connection later that year. And at August 21, it was my first UAAP experienced, i watched ADMU vs. UE and it was a thrilling game, i was happy to see Chris Tiu for the first time.
• September- at 4th day of September i was hired to be an associate of SLMC and had been a part of Annex 3 2nd-East, 6 out of 15 who was called for ISF was hired and luckily i was one of them.
• November- i was temporarily relocated to Eye care Unit together with Jarine, we had a wonderful experienced, i gained new friends, Ma'am Charles my favourite (kakulitan) and of course who would forget Jayson Valencia, who hadn't missed a chance to teased me, but had a big part in my heart later that year.
• December- it was my first time to had a duty on Christmas eve, but enjoyed it. i had attended 3 Christmas parties. And lastly, before the year end i celebrated the new year with a broken heart courtesy of Jayson....tsktsk

What a year, it was so fast that i haven't noticed the time. So many things happened. And so many blessings came to thanked for. Hopefully, this year much more blessings, much more friends, and hope to find the "ONE".

Ainan :)